{ image from paper + twine }
“Some people are more certain of everything than I am of anything.” Robert Rubin wrote that in his book, In an Uncertain World, and I know exactly what he means. People who are sure about everything astound me. How can they be so sure, I wonder. I add clarifiers to just about everything: maybe, it’s possible, God willing. I’m pretty sure I was more sure of things when I was younger, but life with Tim and our crew has chipped away at my certainty and made me realize that from day to day anything can happen.
Most of the time I’m perfectly happy with the wiggle room. But Valentine’s Day is not a day for playing it safe, even if my natural response to “Do you believe you and Tim were meant to be together?” is “On good days.” Valentine’s Day is about passion and holding nothing back.
So in that spirit, here is a list of things I believe for sure about life with my jaan-e-jaan.*
I believe that being able to laugh gets you through anything.
I believe that marriage is about forgiving each other over and over again, day after day, hour by hour. Sometimes minute by minute.
I believe little kindnesses matter more than big gestures.
I believe that you can learn something new about each other even after 20 years.
I believe that marriage takes work, even if the work is learning not to work so hard and to just let things go.
I believe that having children will wreak havoc on your love life, but that meeting each other’s eyes over your sleeping child has a special intimacy of its own.
I believe that having someone to save the last piece of pie for is better than getting the last piece of pie.
I believe that it’s okay to go to bed angry because you never wake up angry. (Try it, it’s true.)
I believe that sexy cocktail-hour stubble always works.
I believe that if you’re bold, mighty forces really will come to your aid. (And what is bolder and riskier than letting someone hold your heart in his hand?)
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you—I hope that someone made you smile today.
{ *We have the Urdu phrase jaan-e-jaan etched into our wedding bands. We’re pretty sure it means “life of my life.” }
That’s lovely, Shannon.
I have to say I’ve always gone along with the Biblical advice ‘let not the sun go down upon your wrath’, not that I’m religious. I always try to at least partly make up before sundown after a row!
Shannon, I love the list all so true. I would add to mine…going to bed on Valentines day early with severe headache and having hubby put kids to bed, potty the dogs, tuck me in and shut down the house for the night trumps cards, flowers, chocolates any day!
Hear, hear!
What a nice post. It really made me stop and think. Hope you had a lovely Valentine’s Day.
Steph, I’m more like you. But when I realized my introvert husband wasn’t always going to cooperate, I learned to let whatever it was go until morning. And of course by then I had either forgotten what I was mad about or was in a better state to deal with it. Usually. 🙂
Sandy, I’m sorry you had a headache on Valentine’s Day, but your husband stepped up beautifully. We definitely appreciate the small things.
Your Valentine’s message just arrived in my email. It’’s truly beautifully written and so very wise. Perfect to share with any couple, at any time, but a perfect message for those who are just starting their journey together.